dear self esteem:

i’m choosing to set u at low today.
i don’t want to fake loving me

loving this skin
this acne

fuck beauty

i’m lonely
and makeup or fashion don’t keep me warm at night

i’m walking with my head down
…and writing in lowercase letters

from here on out i am:
avoiding eye contact
smiling on the inside
…and crying in the bathroom stall

fuck cute.

cute always has a clause.
-cute for a black girl
-cute to be so thick
-cute to be dark skin??
-cute for a chick w/natural hair
-cute for a poet… what does that mean?

i’m done loving me until further notice
cause loving me gets me nowhere but here… alone

watching every man with low self esteem finding every reason to see me
as less than or equal to nothing

i’ve pulled my self up by my bootstraps
so much that they’ve broken beneath me

beauty is evil
…and being clothed in spinster seems to be a joke i can’t shake

if i can’t fuck-cook-suck-swallow-pray-love my way into some random heart…
perhaps it not me

fuck u self esteem…

sincerely,
-eris

3.2010

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3 thoughts on “dear self esteem:

    1. thanks so much… this poem is actually from a few years ago. i was having a conversation, and made mention of a few of the themes. figured i’d share. its great to look back and see the strides i’ve made.

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